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Friday, 17 February 2017

Believing In Yourself



 I have made a few choices over the past two years that have taken a lot of balls. Not to big up myself or anything but I think it's about time that I recognise it. I have chosen to re-route my life and take an unexplored path. I have chosen to break free from the 'normality' and do what I want with my life. This has not been at all easy. I have had ups and I have had some major downs. One thing that has been super essential to all my decisions is having belief in myself and more importantly, my decisions.

Believing in yourself is a major skill to learn in life. It really has taken some time for me to develop it. Having a break away from education and other influences that try and spoon-feed you opinions made me feel lost but also enlightened. I formed my own ideas of what I wanted from my life and contrary to popular opinion around me - it wasn't further education. I had to believe in myself and my capabilities to turn down what were essentially fantastic educational opportunities. I had moments where I felt like a person who was made up from part water and part idiot.

It's hard to know what direction you are going in life but to have a goal and a recognition of your capabilities and skills is paramount. I have only recently decided what direction I want to go in my life. I brainstormed what made me happy, what skills I had and set myself a goal. Two days later - I landed myself an apprenticeship which I will be starting in March. I will be focusing on hair and beauty and I will be all trained up as an arty-farty lover of life. As an A grade student, in school this pathway is often frowned upon because you are 'the promised product'. But, middle fingers up because I'm doing what I want in life and I hope that I have finally found a job that will make me happy. I have always been majorly into fashion, makeup and hair. All evidence of this is found on my blog, bookshelf, Bloglovin' roll and subscriptions both online and in publication. I am obsessed.

However, if someone turned around three years ago and told me that I wouldn't be going to Uni (yay) but would be lost for two years - I think I would've cried for days. I have considered so many different career pathways over the past few years. I dropped out of Uni with the mindset that I would focus on acting - then freaked out about the employability rates..I then re-considered the fashion industry and then went in a circle again and found myself contemplating University for a round three (ha, ha, ha - NO!). Finding your passions and what's right for you doesn't have a time limit and shouldn't ever be rushed. I felt anxious that I would never find something that would make me feel motivated and excited. I doubted my decision of dropping out of University regularly. I knew ultimately I had made no mistakes, I just hadn't found a good 'quick-fix' solution. Having confidence in each of your decisions in life is so important. Self-doubt is destructive and unhealthy.

This is the beginning of my journey and I believe that I can achieve the goals that I have set out to achieve. I have dreams and aspirations like any normal person but convincing myself that they will come true has been a longer process.

 I guess the moral from this little essay of mine is just to believe in yo'self!! Be a girl boss and don't give a damn what anyone thinks. Be reckless in the best kinds of ways and set goals that are reachable and that excite you. In theory, we only have one life - spend it the way you want!


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Wednesday, 15 February 2017

Faking it VS being an open book of emotions


It's taken me twenty years to realise just how fake people are. I know how negative that sounds but really it's not a negative realisation at all but a massively comforting one.

Human nature programmes us all to compare ourselves to others. Social media is the best way we can do this. We are fed images and captions of places that people are taking themselves, who they are spending their time with and how amazing their life is. We are looking at a collage of carefully selected and edited photos showing us 'their lives'. People advertise themselves on social accounts and in conversation. Having a brutally truthful and honest discussion with someone about their life is enlightening but it is also super rare.

I am a very open person with the people in my life. I didn't really clock that this was unusual until fairly recently. I find myself being honest about my opinions and my life. I love acting as a hobby but when it comes to my life, I would rather show people the bare bones as it were. Lies only breed more lies. I actually find it impossible not to be honest. If someone asks me a question they'll get my real answer. I'm not driven by appearances and seeming OK. Sure, if I'm having a hormonal day, I might not choose to unleash my fire on an undeserving member of the public. But I also won't drag my smile up to my eyebrows and pretend rainbows fall from my arse - I suppose I find it too much effort.

There's one thing that I have learnt from my twenty years of living - it's OK not to be one hundred percent all the time. It's actually un natural and inhuman. I don't really mean that you should show your frown and be grumpy day-in, day-out because then you'll be Mr no mates. But maybe the next time someone asks you a question on how you're going - answer it honestly if you feel comfortable in their company.

As a result you might find that the person you are talking to will lose their fake facade and also open up. Alternatively you'll find yourself doing a mini monologue and feel alone. You may feel enlightened that you've had a bit of a chat about your 99 problems (but facing your emotions ain't one).

In a world where most people are saying how glorious their life is, in contrast I have often felt a bit alone and like a sack of problematic potatoes...It has taken a lot of digging to realise that people are mostly showing their fake surface. Most people have adopted the fake it til' you make it kind of approach. Which, I personally commend in one way but also feel like that must be a super tiresome life. It's true that we really don't know what people are going through. While I like to talk and chat, a lot of people prefer to either be private or convince themselves they're OK.

As part of turning twenty this month and feeling a little bit more like an adult since losing my 'teen' addition to my age - I have vowed to keep this in mind the next time I feel like my life is crumbling. I am an emotional person. I won't usually reveal this part of myself but I have always been honest and open about most aspects of my life. Being the antithesis to those who 'fake it', it can be hard to understand why my life doesn't feel/sound as perfect as theirs all the time.

 Reality check - our lives are exactly the same. No one's life is 'perfect'. People have issues and anxieties, they just don't talk about them. 

Are you a fake it til' you make it kinda human or an open bag of emotions? 



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