Friday, 9 October 2015

Life Update / Honesty & Taking A Gap Year

photo source: pinterest
Today I am writing a blog post that I never thought that I would write. Not so long ago I wrote a blog post all about going to University - 20 Reasons To Be Excited About University . The post was really popular and it was also one of my favourite posts to write because they contained my genuine feelings of excitement towards my new and upcoming phase of life. I also rarely post about my life and events that are going on unless they are related to fashion. Posting about relatable moments in my life, such as going to University, proved to be really popular on my little Fashion blog and sharing my feelings  (not just opinions of fashion and beauty products) was also something that I found enjoyable and therapeutic. My blog became more of my personal diary rather than a space endorsed with fashion and beauty. Don't get me wrong, I will never stop writing about fashion and delving into the world of beauty on this blog - it's what I set it up for and I will continue writing for my own personal enjoyment about my favourite things until it no longer becomes something I enjoy (if that's ever going to happen).

However, last month was the first month since setting up my blog back in 2012 that I didn't post any content. I thought that sharing my reason why and giving you a bit of a life update will not only give you an explanation and glimpse into my life, but it will primarily help me. My blog becomes a space where I can rationalise my feelings and come to terms with the very big change that has just happened in my life in a post like this. If this kind of post isn't something you're into and you only like my fashion and beauty related posts - come back soon because there will be plenty coming up!

'Everything happens for a reason' is a familiar saying that I've always used to help me through a minor inconvenience in my life. In many ways I still like to think that everything does happen for a reason and that we can grow and learn from that not so nice experience. However, when you're in a hospital bed the day you're due to start your University course, it's hard to understand what the Universe had in mind - an inside joke? Good one planet earth. Excited to start my course and trying to frantically get through my reading list before the 'Freshers' Flu' struck me, I was more ready for Uni than ever. I had organised my time to get through my reading list and had even got some plans up my sleeve for my blog. However, at one of my friend's 19th birthday parties, I had a really bad series of stomach pains - I suspected I had a stomach bug or some form of food poisoning - the pains were how I'd imagine getting stabbed repeatedly would feel like. Determined to have a good time - I partied on - I didn't want to go home and miss the last precious moments with my friends before they all flew the nest to their new lives as they too embarked on the adventure of University in a few days' time. The next evening, along with the stomach pains, I had a searing pain in the bottom left hand side of my back. The details that followed over the next few days are ones that I will spare you but, having always been afraid of doctors, hospitals and needles (stemming from a childhood traumatic experience) - I was determined to get better independently. This resulted in bad things happening and very quickly.

Fortunately, having decided to take up a place in a University close to home, I hadn't moved out and had the care of my parents while feeling incredibly ill. Mum called the Doctor and he made a special home visit exception because I was far too ill to venture into the surgery. After taking one look, he confirmed that I should be taken to hospital immediately - I'd let things get seriously bad by avoiding tests involving needles and doctors when I could. After a bumpy ambulance ride, I arrived at hospital to be faced with my number one fear - a series of many needles. I had to give samples of blood and undergo investigative tests so that the hospital could diagnose me with the correct medicine and promptly. It turns out I had a severe kidney infection and worse still, a serious case of sepsis (blood poisoning, which untreated can be fatal). The events that happened next involved even more needles, more testing and thorough checkups daily from the nurses and doctors within the hospital. My treatment was intensive and my fear of needles was almost immediately overcome from the moment that the first one arrived. I knew that I was in a place where I was receiving the care that I had long put off and was getting better - needles were part of that process and I was okay with that. I cannot express how grateful I am for the genuine care and support that I received off the nurses and doctors. Their knowledge is far beyond impressive and without their care and the wonderful medicine that is available today, I wouldn't be here to write this post.

Although I'm still taking medicine to get rid of a pretty stubborn infection, the deadly sepsis has been well and truly blitzed out of my system. I am at home, resting and taking the time needed to recover from quite a serious and scary illness. The timing of the infections in some ways couldn't have been worse - as a result, I've had to drop out of University before I even got a chance to start my course and this aspect of my life has been put on halt. Aside from the actual illness itself, the experience has made me incredibly emotional. Some things in life are far beyond your control and as a person who likes to be organised and very much have control over situations - it wasn't exactly an ideal scenario. However, aside from the whole scary 'near-death experience' side of things, having this time to recover has also given me a lot of time to think and prioritise things in my life. I've reinforced who my true friends are - the ones that have been there for me, caring for me and supporting me with their love and friendship. (I know that I have entered a realm of cringeyness to another level here, but stick it out if you can!) I've also become so much closer to my family (who knew that was even possible) because primarily your family are the ones who will be with you through thick and thin and who will love you unconditionally - they will always be the most important people in my life.

This unplanned gap year has meant that I've got time to breathe. For the last fifteen years of my life I have been in education. A non-stop train ride, there have been moments I've loved and moments I've hated - that's school for you. This year out will give me a break from education and the stress of exams (which I suppose is a positive - I don't have withdrawals from exam stress or exam season). I also have some time to focus on me - something that is super difficult to do when you're surrounded and immersed in work and engaging with new people, developing new friendships and a new life in University. I will also take this time to think about what I truly want to do in life because deciding what career path you want is a tricky one. The course/major you choose at University will most likely influence what career paths are available to you after you graduate - I don't want to be rushing such a major decision. I also want to do some exciting things with my blog and have this time to really focus on my writing. Having this time to sit down and write will be utter bliss as during my A-levels and college years I barely had a second to spare to dedicate to this blog. Who knows, maybe I'll even venture into YouTube? This year and time off will give me the opportunity to do things that I wouldn't be able to do if I had started University last month. Maybe it just wasn't my time to go off to University this year. Primarily, this experience has taught me more than ever to live in the moment and not to take anything for granted. It's easy to complain in life and let things get on top of you but what primarily matters is that you're happy and healthy - everything else has its way of sorting itself out.

So, life update over! I've shortened it and dusted over a few unimportant areas but that's the main gist of things.. Expect some exciting and regular upcoming blog posts - I have an amazing giveaway coming up in the next few days! My aim is to release a blog post at least every Wednesday, Friday and Sunday. YouTube is also an area that I hope to explore with so keep an eye out for the possibility of my first ever video!



  1. Your illness sounds so horrible, I'm so glad to hear you're feeling better! I hope your gap year goes well- it can be really nice just to take some time out sometimes, so good luck with the year ahead! <3

    Emma xo // Wallflower Wardrobe

  2. Thank you so much! Awesome blog by the way - the recipes look so delicious!! xx


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